Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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