So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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