somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
