so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
