Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
