If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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