Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
