i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
