No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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