??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
