meet me or not, i'm out of control
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
