I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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