he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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