puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
