i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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