Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
