If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
