Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize