is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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