This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
