i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
