guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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