pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
