her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
