i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
