I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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