Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
This is my gift to your gina
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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