A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
