she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
