Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
