Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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