I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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