this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize