I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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