I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
