when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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