He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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