you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
