She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm having to shit out rocks
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
