Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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