if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
