every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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