lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
