I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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