Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
