Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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