: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize