Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
