OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize