if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You took a bar mat shot.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
