i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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