Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
