It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
