I wish I could punch you in the face.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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