Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
