pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
