Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
