Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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