I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize