handjob tips. give me some.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
