I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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