Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
