he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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