Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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