So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
