I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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