I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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