FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
