Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
