She is in my trunk
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
